To smooch or not to smooch

At a restaurant the other day I observed this ritual of a large group of diners meeting at the nearby table going through the fascinating rite of greeting each other by exchanging kisses. Believe me it was quite a show as pecks and hugs were exchanged noisily and enthusiastically which led me to muse when did Kenya (or is it just in urban areas) turn into a nation of kissers? And what is the protocol when it comes to the social kiss? For some of us out there (yours truly included) it can be a potential minefield – is it appropriate in a professional setting, how many kisses, what about someone much older or younger, what about your boss? I mean if you think about it a simple peck is fraught with questions.

And where did this influx of close facial proximity come from because supposedly kissing is not a universal human activity. Hard to believe but apparently there are quite a few cultures around the world that do not indulge in it at all. As a gentleman is your instinct to go for the firm handshake even when greeting a woman but you’re either grabbed and pulled in close for the kiss or there is that awkward moment when you’re not sure which way to go. If you do decide to brush cheeks the most common technique I’ve observed is the three kisses - left, right then left again. I once did two and left the other person ‘hanging’ and she stood there frozen in mid air with puckered lips waiting to complete the ceremony. A colleague of mine does one kiss and a hug on the same side again usually confusing the heck out of the other person. Older men in this part of the world of a certain social class will also do the three cheek-to-cheeks.

I’ve also observed with some amusement the loud ‘muaahh’ accompanying the peck also known as air kissing. Then there are those who will firmly plant their lips in the other cheek leaving traces of lipstick or moisture. When it comes to the social kiss, the way to go should be the briefest of skin contact and no sound effects or any saliva traces left. Also don't linger too long, take advantage of being close to someone by taking liberties with your hands and in most cases don’t kiss on the lips. But maybe you shouldn’t over analyse things and let instinct be your guide or apply the old adage of when in doubt leave it out. What do you think?

Reader question: what can I do to calm my nerves before a presentation?

Before any presentation, worse case scenarios flood your imagination what if I forget or if I stumble over my words? Don’t think you need to be perfect in fact a recent study showed that that when speakers were asked to make mistakes during their presentation they were 30% less nervous than when they tried to perform flawlessly.
Just don’t tell the audience that you are nervous, they are rooting for you to do well – nobody likes the cringe factor seeing someone fall flat on their faces but even if you make an embarrassing mistake the majority of the audience do not care or even notice and trust me you will NOT die of stage fright. Think positive thoughts by visualising success and concentrate on the message not the crowd. Stretch before coming on stage and breathe deeply to make those butterflies fly in formation. Don’t look to eliminate them completely as you need a certain amount of adrenalin coursing through your veins to give you positive energy. If you practice beforehand you should reduce any feelings of nervousness. And don’t just wait to practice in formal settings but in informal settings like at office meetings or in front of your boss, colleagues etc. Adequate preparation is also the key to success and success is the key to confidence.

Manners maketh the person

I was chatting with a friend newly re-transplanted back to Kenya and in addition to dealing with the reverse culture shock after having been away for many years she also mused that Kenyans seem to her to have become a little harder round the edges and less cordial than the way she remembers things growing up here. I put this thought to another friend and she said if women seem to be less ladylike then it is because of the men here who have forgotten how to treat the fairer sex. It seems that old fashioned manners gone the way of the LP as a quaint but old fashioned notion. As my business partner puts it, good manners are priceless, ageless and classless everybody should have them and everybody should use them. Having good manners means behaving in a way that is socially acceptable, in business as well as domestic life. If we all followed the guidelines of good manners and mutual respect, we would treat each other more kindly, behave more honestly and enjoy both professional and social success.

The argument given is that some women take exception when men offer a seat or open a door for them as they see it as patronising. That is a shame, when it puts men off doing it for women who may like what is seen as an act of common courtesy. I think every woman regardless of how many degrees she holds wants to be treated with a bit of chivalry. Here’s a quick primer gents on how we can get our chivalry groove back. Let’s bring back a touch of elegance and class and even though some of this may seem awkward and antiquated at first there is nothing un-african or emasculating about any of the following.

• When in the company of a woman, the door should be held open to allow her to walk through before you. If it’s an extremely heavy door, put some muscle into it and push through before her and hold it until she passes. With revolving doors, give it a push to start it moving then gesture to allow the lady to enter first - alone. Never try to squeeze in with her

• Get into the habit of opening the car door first for any female passenger before jumping in and driving off. Remember to close it after she gets in

• Try pulling out a chair and sitting your female companion when out at a restaurant for dinner or lunch, trust me you’ll be looked at favourably by all the other female diners.

• Did you know that a man is supposed to walk behind a woman going up the stairs and in front of her on the way down – hey, it’s the little things that count

• By all means complement (sincerely that is) a woman on her appearance, dress sense, etc but don’t go overboard as you’ll come across as creepy and possibly wade into sexual harassment territory

• The true gentleman should never ever mistake a woman for a man or treat her like one.

Do you handle your drink or does your drink handle you?

This is a touchy subject any which way you dice it especially since here at home for most men ninety percent of our free time is spent in the pub or bar. In fact who has the right to tell another man (or woman) how much they should or should not drink. Certainly not yours truly who in his misspent youth often found himself trying to lie down on that bed which wouldn’t stop spinning. But thankfully older and hopefully wiser I can share my views on the subject.

This topic comes from witnessing a friend of mine normally a congenial, good natured colleague turn into a nasty, sloppy version of himself whenever he drinks. A typical evening will start with him being gracious enough buying rounds, but as the evening progresses he begins dominating any conversation by shouting, which will then degenerate into picking fights both verbal and physical. I bet we all know someone like this at our local. You know that scenario when things become so uncomfortable people start disappearing one by one without even saying good bye. Look, I’ll be the first to admit I think that a little booze in the system makes for an honest, wittier, more stimulating conversation. But as grown men (and women) who have graduated college, if your sole purpose for drinking is to get completely hammered every time, then there may be a problem.

So as we say lets ‘style up’ and drink like the responsible adults we hopefully are and not like we’re in the first year of college. Get in touch with yourself is not just the lyrics to a song but a way of life - know your limits, when to say enough is enough, when to call it a night and go home. Everyone’s body chemistry is different so when you feel that buzz coming on take a break, water or just call it a draw (not a loss) and retire gracefully.

So to the men in the house, “leta Tusker mbili” should not be your mantra at every cocktail, business lunch, networking event or even after a round of golf – if you must drink, you know there are other more sophisticated choices out there. And ladies if you want to be treated like one behave like one. There is something distinctly unattractive about you when you stand there swaying, or sitting with legs akimbo, slurring your words and swearing like a truck driver. Cheers everyone!

Pitch perfect

Last week, I walked in through the doors of a large organization to pitch to them the services my company provides. Any time you are pitching whether it is for a tender or even a date with that good looking girl you met in church always think about the audience - what do they want to hear and not what you want them to hear. audience. The truth is you will more likely than not already encounter prejudices or resistance even before you open your mouth. And this may not even have anything to do with your proposal.

You know not every pitch has to be a thirty slide PowerPoint master piece – certainly not when trying to woo miss thang standing in the corner. You can get your point across effectively in a number of different ways. Be different when that room full of people is expecting you to plug in your laptop or memory stick. Try just speaking from the heart, cleverly designed brochures, a short humorous video, anything but the default of clicking slide after slide.

As I walked into that room, even though it was daunting to face about 10 senior managers and their probing questions, I didn’t let that show - the minute you walk into that room you should transmit confidence, competence and reassurance and responsibility.

Start speaking slightly slower and lower than normal, as nerves tend to make us speed up or use the voice's higher register. For many of us we speak way too fast. It is not always what we say, but the way we say it that makes people retain the message.

To quote a line from a movie, “always be closing.” Reiterate to them (or that person) that you want their business. Many times we forget to close the sale simply by saying you want their business, that may very well be the last thing that sticks in their mind.

Remember, people buy from people – you are selling yourself as much as the idea or proposal.

Check out this interesting pitch to invest in music

What's in an apology

Did anyone catch the non-apology, apology by the deputy prime minister on TV last night. Unfortunately most politicians are not wont to issue heartfelt apologies and are good at not taking full responsibility – ‘I was provoked’, ‘the intelligence was faulty’ – but wouldn’t it be more refreshing to see someone stand up and admit their failure, apologize from the heart, and change their behavior going forward rather than get all defensive (or aggressive even) seeing it as a character deficiency. Did you know Emperor Henry IV trekked across the Alps to beg for the Pope’s forgiveness after being excommunicated. Only after three days of kneeling in the snow did he finally convince the Pontiff to welcome him back into the Catholic Church. Can you see any of our leaders going to that extreme for a mea culpa?

An apology (if it is sincere) is worth its weight in gold. Our independence heroes even more than compensation want an apology from the British government for the unspeakable atrocities committed. The Australian government in 2008 gave a famous apology to the stolen generation of the Australian Aborigines - grown men were crying is how much that long overdue apology meant.

These days many people struggle to issue a simple, “Oh, I’m so sorry” when they do something wrong. Instead, they play the blame game. Everyone has had to apologise for one thing or another but how do you feel when someone gives a less than heartfelt apology, I know it makes me feel even more offended. An apology doesn't need to be long or repetitious. You just need to mean it, and to acknowledge that you were wrong - not that someone thought you were wrong.


You be the judge - the apology is in the first two minutes of this clip

Here are some more famous or is it infamous mea culpa’s


Minister Sally Kosgei apology


Tiger Woods apology - was he really sorry for what he did or getting caught?


Bill Clinton's apology


Televangelist Jimmy Swaggart's tearful apology

Customer service (still) matters - build your brand

It goes without saying that with competing companies providing similar product at a similar price, the main differentiating factor in business today is customer service. Customer service should not simply be as a ‘nice to have’ but literally as a lifestyle. It is about making people feel good - making their day, making a difference. Today’s customer is different, informed and with challenging needs and expectations – in fact to state the obvious, they have a choice! At the end of the day whenever you take the customer’s viewpoint (I’m afraid the customer is always right), you are that much closer to success in building up that customer’s relationship - and ultimately their loyalty. I have received great customer service from places like the Orange Shop at the T-Mall, my barbershop where it (the service) literally goes to my head, the marketing lady at Equity Bank NHIF building and the guys at the Ericsson shop at Sarit. Do you give your customers great service or is there room for improvement? What makes your customers use your services over and over again?