The curse of the curse

I remember there was once a time when if I ever had the opportunity to visit another country, the first thing I would commit to memory was how to curse in that country’s language. As a kid there was nothing more shocking (or thrilling) than to hear your usually strait laced parents mouth a volleyful of curses when they discovered you had broken their favourite lampshade or record. Suddenly your vocabulary had grown exponentially when you were then able to repeat it in private with your friends in the school washroom.

Today swearing is as commonplace as using any old adjective in a sentence and everyone is doing it – kids, radio, movies, sports – it’s a veritable tsunami of F-bombs, shenzi’s and pumbavu’s. I could even swear (see what I mean) that I watched a cartoon the other day and the cuddly cartoon bear out of nowhere said b___t. Just watching a premier league football game and you don’t even have to lip read to literally hear what any footballer says when he misses that open goal. Our politicians, public officials (read councillors) even pastors are well known for hurling abuse and using profane language. In fact the curse of the curse has penetrated the corporate world at the highest level. To whit - Carol Bartz the former CEO of Yahoo on being fired a few months ago said in an interview afterwards ‘These people f___d me over.’ Ouch Ms Bartz. And don’t get me started on Facebook and Twitter where the lowest common denominator in terms of language is often on display.

I’ve read of something called ‘annoyance’ swearing where for example if at work you accidentally staple your finger to the paper and you mutter oaths under your breath. In fact scientists say this can be a healthy way for people to blow off steam. At one of my previous jobs had a way of not-not swearing by using substitutes. So if Jack gave an incredulous story about a clients behaviour we would say – ‘Shut the front door’ – get it?

When out in public we all need to be aware of whom we are around and what effect swearing will have on our personal brand. Just because it doesn’t offend your less than delicate sensibilities, does not mean everybody else feels the same way. Some might argue that conversing sans cursing takes away from their authenticity? Perhaps, but then it’s often a lazy way of speaking without having to think too hard of what to say. It’s difficult to imagine that anyone would be truly appalled about the use of foul language in any sphere in society. One can only imagine what is said behind closed doors in any high pressure setting be it a dressing room or a boardroom but why don’t we save those words for when we’re really ticked off or emotionally charged to give them more gravitas instead of the steady stream of foul language that litters every day sentences. And if you must, maybe even be a little more inventive. They say they don’t make them like they used too well they certainly don’t deliver an insult like Shakespeare (in Richard III) - 'Thou loathed issue of thy father's loins' _____ beat that!

The new constitution, Article 1: Thou shalt keep time

1. Being on time is late – being early is on time.
2. Despite your title you are not that important – respect other people's time we all have the same amount of time whether you are bottom of the food chain or a billionaire (reference President Paul Kagame)
3. Traffic is NO excuse to be late. Do what you have to do - get up 2 hours early, spend the night in town, move house, I ask you if you had to pick up a payment of Ksh 1 million would you let traffic hold you up?
4. Honour people by starting meetings on time.
5. If you walk in late to a meeting just say “Hello, keep going, I'll catch up.” You are the one who's late; don't inconvenience others to have to listen to you being given a recap of what has been covered so far.
6. If you don't have time to do something just say ‘no’ – no-one will think any worse of you.
7. Don’t just pop in to the event and say hi and duck out – create time to stay and network.
8. The time keeper at the wedding gets an F. Time management at weddings has GOT to change.
9. No matter how well you know your friends don’t take them for granted if you’ve set a time for the movie/dinner/lunch-date/cocktail/drink/tee-time/kick-off/out of town trip/ride to town – please respect them but no need to show up an hour early for that bash neither.
10. If you run a business and you say your opening hours are 10.00am – 5.00pm please scrupulously respect that and remember customers have a choice.
11. If you are putting an event or conference together don’t indicate a starting time of an hour early to give an allowance of 1 hour for late comers. Stick to your guns even if the room is empty (again reference Paul Kagame)
12. Myth buster – there is no such thing as African or Kenyan timing there is only poor manners.

Surviving the airport with your best foot forward

Ok so this is not JKIA


I’ve been travelling quite a bit lately for work and I’d like to share with you some travel tips if flying from JKIA to make your next business trip (or pleasure) less stressful and more enjoyable not only for you but for your fellow passengers. For the security check leave your coins in the car, put your keys in the your hand luggage, wear shoes that are easy to take off and put on, take your belt off and put it in your carry-on luggage before you get to the airport, limit the amount of jewellery you wear, and guys please make sure your socks have no holes really! Retrieve your items from the scanner and move to the side to replace your shoes, belt etc and allow others to do the same otherwise that area becomes like a cattle herding pen. To avoid ruining the back of your shoes did you know you can use your belt as a shoe horn? Don’t forget to print out and carry your ticket info to give to the security guy before you check in and please, please carry your own pen for filling out those immigration forms instead of begging from other passengers who are busy trying to figure what to write down what date their passport expires ( I never remember mine).

When dressing for flying you want to strike a delicate balance between comfort (especially if it’s a long-haul flight) and maintaining a good image. Pyjamas, track suits, flip flops, six inch heels, even shorts are a no-no in my book. Perception does matter and dressing slightly better usually makes for quicker and better service all round. You don’t have to dress like you’re going to a board meeting or a night out on the town but don’t rock up looking like you’ve just jumped out of bed and ran down to the kiosk to get some milk. If I’m travelling for business especially I find wearing one of my jackets has two positives it saves it getting creased in my luggage and ups my authority and influence. Also if my luggage goes walk-about I am wearing clothes that I can still wear to my meeting. If it’s a short business trip for women then you probably have to dress ready to go to your meeting when you land otherwise a good pair of pants or jeans with a top and a sweater for when it gets chilly on the plane usually works in fact think about layering. I love this quote from David Sedaris “Comfort has its place, but it seems rude to visit another country dressed as if you've come to mow its lawns.” Finally try not to bathe in perfume or cologne before a flight – you’ll be in close proximity with other people for a sustained period of time and it could irritate others but by the same token please do try to be the freshest you can be for the same reasons – enough said!

Flying is not only stressful for travellers but for airport and airline staff as well so don’t be rude or aggressive. A smile and a kind word, a genuine thank you, use of names works wonders, believe me – and don’t even think about slipping someone a 1000 shilling note for expedited service, airline upgrade, extra baggage allowance etc...not in this day and age. I always carry a book or magazine or two because certain local airlines (no names mentioned) are notorious for delays and you can only people watch up to a certain point. Also grab a bite to eat before you get to JKIA if you know you might spend some time waiting for your flight – I think the food is way overpriced at the places there.

On the plane I’ve seen this umpteen times where there is a problem with someone’s seat number and they refuse to budge or end up in an arguing match with the flight attendant. We’re human, mistakes happen, step aside where you’re not in the way and calmly wait for them to sort you out. Unless you’re on some Most Wanted list it usually will, but you don’t need to go ballistic. Last minute mobile calls are okay in the plane but do turn your phone off when requested to and good airplane etiquette dictates that you should at least wait for the plane to stop taxiing on the runway before you turn it back on just to tell the person who has come to pick you up that you have arrived.

Exiting the plane should be done in an orderly fashion row by row; there is no prize for the first person to exit the plane. You’ll only end up waiting for your luggage on the baggage carousel or standing in line in customs just like the rest of us you shoved aside or if back in Kenya sitting in traffic I promise!

Watch it!

While it was once considered a necessity, the role of the watch has been taken over by cell phones, smart devices, the clock in your car; you name it, anything but the watch. Watches should be thought of, certainly for men, as appropriate or an acceptable form of jewellery. Furthermore it tells people you have arrived (at a certain point in life) and that you’ve also acquired a...ahem certain taste. A watch not only completes your look but it can also be aspirational. A good looking or interesting timepiece can be the focal point in your dress and the accessory that can polish up your look. In business especially if I glance at a bare wrist, I think it sends subtle signals that one may not be as time conscious as one might expect. I still hold that it is rather unsophisticated for a man (or woman) to dig in to their jacket or handbag to pull out their mobile to tell the time.

And so speaking to the fellas, according to Mens Health Magazine - men used to wear pocket watches, round clunky things they stuck in their pockets and attached to their waistbands. A pocket watch was great for a guy, except when he was trying to discreetly measure the time between two job interviews or the time he had to finish up with madam X and move on to see mistress Y. Then came the invention of the wrist-watch, and now a man could juggle employers and women with just a casual flip of the wrist, instead of having to yank a big clunky device out of his pocket. Sadly, this ingenious tactic is under siege: These days, many of us tell time not by wristwatch but by our cell phones. Great devices, unless you're, well, trying to be discreet while digging one out of your pants. So we're back to square one. Be a man. Wear a watch

To smooch or not to smooch

At a restaurant the other day I observed this ritual of a large group of diners meeting at the nearby table going through the fascinating rite of greeting each other by exchanging kisses. Believe me it was quite a show as pecks and hugs were exchanged noisily and enthusiastically which led me to muse when did Kenya (or is it just in urban areas) turn into a nation of kissers? And what is the protocol when it comes to the social kiss? For some of us out there (yours truly included) it can be a potential minefield – is it appropriate in a professional setting, how many kisses, what about someone much older or younger, what about your boss? I mean if you think about it a simple peck is fraught with questions.

And where did this influx of close facial proximity come from because supposedly kissing is not a universal human activity. Hard to believe but apparently there are quite a few cultures around the world that do not indulge in it at all. As a gentleman is your instinct to go for the firm handshake even when greeting a woman but you’re either grabbed and pulled in close for the kiss or there is that awkward moment when you’re not sure which way to go. If you do decide to brush cheeks the most common technique I’ve observed is the three kisses - left, right then left again. I once did two and left the other person ‘hanging’ and she stood there frozen in mid air with puckered lips waiting to complete the ceremony. A colleague of mine does one kiss and a hug on the same side again usually confusing the heck out of the other person. Older men in this part of the world of a certain social class will also do the three cheek-to-cheeks.

I’ve also observed with some amusement the loud ‘muaahh’ accompanying the peck also known as air kissing. Then there are those who will firmly plant their lips in the other cheek leaving traces of lipstick or moisture. When it comes to the social kiss, the way to go should be the briefest of skin contact and no sound effects or any saliva traces left. Also don't linger too long, take advantage of being close to someone by taking liberties with your hands and in most cases don’t kiss on the lips. But maybe you shouldn’t over analyse things and let instinct be your guide or apply the old adage of when in doubt leave it out. What do you think?

Reader question: what can I do to calm my nerves before a presentation?

Before any presentation, worse case scenarios flood your imagination what if I forget or if I stumble over my words? Don’t think you need to be perfect in fact a recent study showed that that when speakers were asked to make mistakes during their presentation they were 30% less nervous than when they tried to perform flawlessly.
Just don’t tell the audience that you are nervous, they are rooting for you to do well – nobody likes the cringe factor seeing someone fall flat on their faces but even if you make an embarrassing mistake the majority of the audience do not care or even notice and trust me you will NOT die of stage fright. Think positive thoughts by visualising success and concentrate on the message not the crowd. Stretch before coming on stage and breathe deeply to make those butterflies fly in formation. Don’t look to eliminate them completely as you need a certain amount of adrenalin coursing through your veins to give you positive energy. If you practice beforehand you should reduce any feelings of nervousness. And don’t just wait to practice in formal settings but in informal settings like at office meetings or in front of your boss, colleagues etc. Adequate preparation is also the key to success and success is the key to confidence.

Manners maketh the person

I was chatting with a friend newly re-transplanted back to Kenya and in addition to dealing with the reverse culture shock after having been away for many years she also mused that Kenyans seem to her to have become a little harder round the edges and less cordial than the way she remembers things growing up here. I put this thought to another friend and she said if women seem to be less ladylike then it is because of the men here who have forgotten how to treat the fairer sex. It seems that old fashioned manners gone the way of the LP as a quaint but old fashioned notion. As my business partner puts it, good manners are priceless, ageless and classless everybody should have them and everybody should use them. Having good manners means behaving in a way that is socially acceptable, in business as well as domestic life. If we all followed the guidelines of good manners and mutual respect, we would treat each other more kindly, behave more honestly and enjoy both professional and social success.

The argument given is that some women take exception when men offer a seat or open a door for them as they see it as patronising. That is a shame, when it puts men off doing it for women who may like what is seen as an act of common courtesy. I think every woman regardless of how many degrees she holds wants to be treated with a bit of chivalry. Here’s a quick primer gents on how we can get our chivalry groove back. Let’s bring back a touch of elegance and class and even though some of this may seem awkward and antiquated at first there is nothing un-african or emasculating about any of the following.

• When in the company of a woman, the door should be held open to allow her to walk through before you. If it’s an extremely heavy door, put some muscle into it and push through before her and hold it until she passes. With revolving doors, give it a push to start it moving then gesture to allow the lady to enter first - alone. Never try to squeeze in with her

• Get into the habit of opening the car door first for any female passenger before jumping in and driving off. Remember to close it after she gets in

• Try pulling out a chair and sitting your female companion when out at a restaurant for dinner or lunch, trust me you’ll be looked at favourably by all the other female diners.

• Did you know that a man is supposed to walk behind a woman going up the stairs and in front of her on the way down – hey, it’s the little things that count

• By all means complement (sincerely that is) a woman on her appearance, dress sense, etc but don’t go overboard as you’ll come across as creepy and possibly wade into sexual harassment territory

• The true gentleman should never ever mistake a woman for a man or treat her like one.

Do you handle your drink or does your drink handle you?

This is a touchy subject any which way you dice it especially since here at home for most men ninety percent of our free time is spent in the pub or bar. In fact who has the right to tell another man (or woman) how much they should or should not drink. Certainly not yours truly who in his misspent youth often found himself trying to lie down on that bed which wouldn’t stop spinning. But thankfully older and hopefully wiser I can share my views on the subject.

This topic comes from witnessing a friend of mine normally a congenial, good natured colleague turn into a nasty, sloppy version of himself whenever he drinks. A typical evening will start with him being gracious enough buying rounds, but as the evening progresses he begins dominating any conversation by shouting, which will then degenerate into picking fights both verbal and physical. I bet we all know someone like this at our local. You know that scenario when things become so uncomfortable people start disappearing one by one without even saying good bye. Look, I’ll be the first to admit I think that a little booze in the system makes for an honest, wittier, more stimulating conversation. But as grown men (and women) who have graduated college, if your sole purpose for drinking is to get completely hammered every time, then there may be a problem.

So as we say lets ‘style up’ and drink like the responsible adults we hopefully are and not like we’re in the first year of college. Get in touch with yourself is not just the lyrics to a song but a way of life - know your limits, when to say enough is enough, when to call it a night and go home. Everyone’s body chemistry is different so when you feel that buzz coming on take a break, water or just call it a draw (not a loss) and retire gracefully.

So to the men in the house, “leta Tusker mbili” should not be your mantra at every cocktail, business lunch, networking event or even after a round of golf – if you must drink, you know there are other more sophisticated choices out there. And ladies if you want to be treated like one behave like one. There is something distinctly unattractive about you when you stand there swaying, or sitting with legs akimbo, slurring your words and swearing like a truck driver. Cheers everyone!

Pitch perfect

Last week, I walked in through the doors of a large organization to pitch to them the services my company provides. Any time you are pitching whether it is for a tender or even a date with that good looking girl you met in church always think about the audience - what do they want to hear and not what you want them to hear. audience. The truth is you will more likely than not already encounter prejudices or resistance even before you open your mouth. And this may not even have anything to do with your proposal.

You know not every pitch has to be a thirty slide PowerPoint master piece – certainly not when trying to woo miss thang standing in the corner. You can get your point across effectively in a number of different ways. Be different when that room full of people is expecting you to plug in your laptop or memory stick. Try just speaking from the heart, cleverly designed brochures, a short humorous video, anything but the default of clicking slide after slide.

As I walked into that room, even though it was daunting to face about 10 senior managers and their probing questions, I didn’t let that show - the minute you walk into that room you should transmit confidence, competence and reassurance and responsibility.

Start speaking slightly slower and lower than normal, as nerves tend to make us speed up or use the voice's higher register. For many of us we speak way too fast. It is not always what we say, but the way we say it that makes people retain the message.

To quote a line from a movie, “always be closing.” Reiterate to them (or that person) that you want their business. Many times we forget to close the sale simply by saying you want their business, that may very well be the last thing that sticks in their mind.

Remember, people buy from people – you are selling yourself as much as the idea or proposal.

Check out this interesting pitch to invest in music

What's in an apology

Did anyone catch the non-apology, apology by the deputy prime minister on TV last night. Unfortunately most politicians are not wont to issue heartfelt apologies and are good at not taking full responsibility – ‘I was provoked’, ‘the intelligence was faulty’ – but wouldn’t it be more refreshing to see someone stand up and admit their failure, apologize from the heart, and change their behavior going forward rather than get all defensive (or aggressive even) seeing it as a character deficiency. Did you know Emperor Henry IV trekked across the Alps to beg for the Pope’s forgiveness after being excommunicated. Only after three days of kneeling in the snow did he finally convince the Pontiff to welcome him back into the Catholic Church. Can you see any of our leaders going to that extreme for a mea culpa?

An apology (if it is sincere) is worth its weight in gold. Our independence heroes even more than compensation want an apology from the British government for the unspeakable atrocities committed. The Australian government in 2008 gave a famous apology to the stolen generation of the Australian Aborigines - grown men were crying is how much that long overdue apology meant.

These days many people struggle to issue a simple, “Oh, I’m so sorry” when they do something wrong. Instead, they play the blame game. Everyone has had to apologise for one thing or another but how do you feel when someone gives a less than heartfelt apology, I know it makes me feel even more offended. An apology doesn't need to be long or repetitious. You just need to mean it, and to acknowledge that you were wrong - not that someone thought you were wrong.


You be the judge - the apology is in the first two minutes of this clip

Here are some more famous or is it infamous mea culpa’s


Minister Sally Kosgei apology


Tiger Woods apology - was he really sorry for what he did or getting caught?


Bill Clinton's apology


Televangelist Jimmy Swaggart's tearful apology

Customer service (still) matters - build your brand

It goes without saying that with competing companies providing similar product at a similar price, the main differentiating factor in business today is customer service. Customer service should not simply be as a ‘nice to have’ but literally as a lifestyle. It is about making people feel good - making their day, making a difference. Today’s customer is different, informed and with challenging needs and expectations – in fact to state the obvious, they have a choice! At the end of the day whenever you take the customer’s viewpoint (I’m afraid the customer is always right), you are that much closer to success in building up that customer’s relationship - and ultimately their loyalty. I have received great customer service from places like the Orange Shop at the T-Mall, my barbershop where it (the service) literally goes to my head, the marketing lady at Equity Bank NHIF building and the guys at the Ericsson shop at Sarit. Do you give your customers great service or is there room for improvement? What makes your customers use your services over and over again?

What happened to the movies?

I rarely go to the movies these days, preferring the comfort of my couch but last weekend a friend convinced me to go see the latest reincarnation of Nicholas Cage. Too call the movie bad would be too kind but that’s a posting for a movie critic. I wanted to talk about some of the goings on in the dark.

Lets start with the most egregious - mobile phones in the theatre. You know even when you crouch and whisper, that call is still annoying. Other people did the right thing and didn't take any calls, but then were busy texting away (no excuse even during an awful Nick Cage movie) and the place was like a rock concert in the dark what with the bright phone screens flashing all over the place. If the movie sucks, feel free to let your feet do the walking - politely excuse yourself and leave with a minimum of fuss and save the loud grumbling for when you get to your car.

There were some scenes that even I had to put my hand over my eyes for all the gore and might I add particularly loudly acted adult scenes. Yet a couple happily had their five year old in tow sitting between them. I guarantee this kid is traumatized for life, as someone once wrote - if you can't find anyone to stay with your kid at home don’t bring them to what is clearly an adult movie - it’s that simple.

To the people running up and down the aisle every five minutes to go to the bathroom or take that all important phone call this is irritating and distracting. Constantly talking about what the main character should do next with your friend coupled with over exuberant laughter all serve to ruin other patrons movie going experience. And if you sir, continue to kick my seat from behind I’ll be forced to…

Ok, rant over - what other lack of manners in the movie theatre have you experienced?

Towards a fitter image

I'm not a fitness guru nor a dietician but keeping fit really is essential as far as prolonging life is concerned and also speaks to the image you portray. If you keep fit you feel well - if you feel well, you look good I think! Too boot, clothes look, hang, and drape better on a fitter body as today much of what we wear is about fit and cut.

There also seems to be a misplaced notion that wealth and girth are intrinsically linked in a positive manner. You don’t need to have the body fat of an elite marathon runner but neither is taking up two seats on a plane considered kosher anymore - it's true you'll pay double on some airlines! It's ok to have a little extra weight around you so long as it is not shortening your life expectancy nor hindering your ability to carry out your day to day activities.

In the good old days before colonization we spent a large part of our time roaming the plains and eating sparsely. Modern life has brought these activities to a grinding halt and there seems to be a marked lack of exercise accompanied by an alarming increase in Kenchic Inns. Trying to stay fit is vital at this point in human evolution, in fact anything to get the heart pumping. The exercise options available are so many from kick boxing, aerobics, yoga, weight lifting even walking instead of using the car, or taking the stairs rather than the lift. If the thought of jogging for miles appalls you and you cannot get (or afford) a gym, there are exercises you can do at home. Even ten minutes every other day is better than nothing.

It’s all very well to exercise every day but it has to be coupled with discipline when it comes to diet. You are what you eat! To look good, feel good and create a positive image we need to eat foods that are going to help replenish cells quickly, give us energy as well as give us pleasure too (it doesn’t have to be a diet of cherry tomatoes and black tea). If our diet is not well balanced, we'll experience low energy levels that can affect confidence in both professional and personal life. If we are tired, irritable and lethargic through a poor diet, there is no way we are going to perform at our best at work.

As we get older our weight redistributes itself around the body, sadly often ending up as a spare tire around our middle. The premise of this piece is that diet and exercise can help, but it is important not to fight too hard against nature. There is pressure to look a certain way but for many of us, it is not what nature intended, so look at your body and ask yourself how easy it is going to be to achieve the shape and weight you want to be. Most people do wish to be leaner but we should not get hung up on trying to lose too much weight. It is essential however that we keep fit, and not allow the body run to too much fat. Most people who are overweight eat too much of the wrong kind of foods. Over indulging in nyama choma, beer, masala chips, and ovenfuls of white bread are clearly hazardous for health and weight. Cutting out junk and fatty foods, drinking plenty of water (at least a litre a day), snacking on fruit instead of crisps, eating smaller portions, eating plenty of leafy green vegetables and making sure to chew the food properly all help. It really can be as simple as that. It is also a good idea to have two or three alcohol free days a week, you know who you are. Also calculating your body mass index(BMI) is a great way to see if you are at your ideal weight. Let me conclude by saying to create a positive image we must portray fitness and energy, whatever size we are.

To being the best man you can be

Men, yes you manly men out there - I think we all need to pay a little more attention to dress, style and grooming for success both socially and in business. Here are some tips for the fellas which your mama may not have told you and for the women with jamaa's who may need some prompting courtesy of Primer Magazine with one or two life lessons thrown in for good measure.

1. You know that feeling you get when you’ve finished dressing and you know you look good? You should strive for that feeling every time you dress. Those times where you look at yourself in the mirror and you’re not sure something matches correctly? Trust yourself, it probably doesn’t.

2. Want to start dressing better? When you don’t know what to wear in the morning the default should be a button up shirt. And polo shirts and t-shirts are not the uniform for weekends either.

3. A guy should always have a blazer he can wear with jeans. Most times a suit jacket won’t work, you need something shorter.

4. You’ve bought that nice new suit great – now do everyone a favour and please REMOVE the tag on the sleeve

5. Different scents for different events. Consider having a fresh, light cologne for the daytime and work hours, and a more full-bodied scent for evenings and going out.

6. The proper way to put on cologne: Hold your arm straight out and spray towards your chest. You only need one, two tops. Don’t spray it into the air and walk into it; that smelly water is expensive and this method wastes most of it. If you’ve got a bottle with no spray, apply small dabs under your ears and to your wrists.

7. Keep those nails cut. Next time you’re on the toilet for 5-10 minutes, put down the newspaper and use the time for grooming your finger and toe nails (yes those trotters of yours should not be shredding bedsheets) The goal is to maintain a thin white line at all times.

8. Here’s a priceless tip - dark or patterned underwear will mask ahem...“normal wear and tear.”

9. Tt only costs about Ksh3000 to replace your entire underwear collection. Why are you forcing yourself to wear ratty undies from god knows how long ago? For the cost of a medium priced bottle of whiskey, everyday can be nice underwear day.

10. White athletic socks should only be worn with athletic shoes.

11. Rejection is just an emotion. Learn to not take it personally or you’ll never be as successful as you want to be.

12. Skip the formalities of talking to a stranger and trick yourself into being more friendly by pretending that you know the person. Think about those greetings you give and the faces you make when you’re happy to see someone you know. Do that, but with a stranger.

13. You have to stop worrying you’re going to offend someone and really go for it. The worst case is you lose something you never really had, the best case is you get what you want.

14. Always have one spare birthday card and one spare multi-purpose card for emergencies.

Full list

African Movie Academy Awards

The seventh edition of the African Movie Academy Awards 2011 was hosted at Ole Sereni last week. A good friend of mine in the business attended the glitzy awards show. I was too far down the totem pole to be invited but here is their unvarnished, no-holds barred take on the event. Be warned this is not for the faint hearted....
When one thinks “movie awards event”, one would automatically revert to the American Oscars, which have become synonymous with some serious pomp and circumstance, and not to mention class. Here's their 10 point review of the event.

1. LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION
No offense to the very lovely Ole Sereni, but let’s face it; Mombasa Road on a Friday evening is a nightmare! Granted, any road on a Friday evening especially when it is end month, is a nightmare. I still think that Sankara, or Crowne Plaza would have been more befitting to this event. Centralization of location is critical! Plus the above two hotels to me are the most synonymous with glamour and class within the city limits. They both have ample, secure and TARMACKED parking as well. Everyone got there pretty haggard and in a foul mood from combating City Hoppas and Matatus in traffic. And everyone was LATE.

2. HALF A RED CARPET IS NO RED CARPET
The red carpet was the shortest one that I have seen, of any VIP event I attended. The organizers would have done well to extend it right from the beginning of the walkway, all the way to the lobby entrance. The media were also nowhere in sight! I counted a mere three photographers! I have been to an A List concert with more media that the AMAA nominations! The ladies will understand me on this one. The parking lot at Ole Sereni is fine gravel. By the time you parked your car and made it to the red carpet, you had more likely than not gathered a fine layer of dust on your feet, and caused serious injury to your fabulous heels! Sigh…. I had to formally apologize to my shoes for the grave injury I caused them!
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3. BASIC CUSTOMER SERVICE
If I had paid KES 10,000.00 I would have at least expected to find complimentary bottles of water on the table. It took quite a while to actually flag down a waiter and get a simple bottle of water. To add insult to injury, it was a cash bar! A glass of wine was KES 1500.00. A bottle of Bellingham’s Cabernet Sauvignon at Nakumatt is KES 1440.00 give or take. Now why would I willingly pay a similar amount for a glass of cask Drostdyhof wine? This was blatant daylight robbery, and a complete disregard of good service. Granted, there was some complimentary Baileys and Johnny Walker Black from EABL who was a partial sponsor of the event. But I can assure you that only 2 hours into the event, they had completely “run out” of both. And we all know what “run out of” actually translates to: the rest of the bottles were in someone’s boot, house, or hotel room! 


4. AFRICAN TIMING
The saying “T.I.A.”: which stands for This Is Africa, has never been truer than on this balmy Friday night. This event that was pegged to begin at 6pm, which based on the location was a virtual impossibility, actually began closer to 10.00 pm. We actually had time to go upstairs to the REAL bar, that had REAL bar prices, have a drink, relax, come back downstairs, freshen up, take photos, mingle, sit down, update our Facebook and Twitter accounts, check email, call mum, make plans for the rest of the weekend, update Facebook again, Tweet about the fashion faux pas witnessed, and the event still had not began! The MCs started without a majority of the celebrities being there. The likes of Noah Ramsey and Rita Dominic came in much later. People’s attention span was short, and no one was listening to the MC due to a decided lack of coordination of the event, not to mention the rumbling stomachs, because there was no soup, bread or salad in sight even as late as 10.30 pm!

5. CATERING 101
Anyone who has any Catering 101 experience can tell you this:
- Never serve the soup at the buffet line! It makes more sense to serve the soup while your guests are seated. The tables were already set up after all. Can you imagine balancing a soup bowl, a plate of food, and a dessert plate, all the while trying not to trip over your fabulous swanky gown? It is a nightmare!
- Secondly, everyone knows that you should make a buffet line double sided to speed up service and keep the queues short. This was not the case. Each buffet line only had service on one side. All they had to do was push the tables forward and add serving spoons on the other side, and bam! The speed of service goes up!

6. “YOU CAN PAY FOR SCHOOL BUT YOU CAN’T BUY CLASS!”
Jay Z said it, I believe it! This event was about movies. But the nominees were announced using a projector and a PowerPoint presentation. I think that is hilariously ironic! I do not think that it would have been that difficult to get a flat screen set up and arrange to show clips of the movies that have been nominated, as well as the actors, actresses, directors, producers, and others. I think I even noted the Times New Roman 12 font on the PowerPoint. I mean I had no choice but to laugh out loud!

How can you have plastic center pieces with humongous peacock feathers as your center pieces? I mean these things were a sight to behold! And not in a good way! We actually took photos like people did back in the day, where you pose looking like you’re holding KICC, or you are at Uhuru Park holding a sunflower. I mean it was just plain tacky. Oh the horror! What made it worse was a passing comment that I heard, about plastic center pieces being the “future of décor”. Ughhh! I thought I was going to pass out from grief! Next time, dear AMAA organizer, if you’re stumped for ideas, a fishbowl with colored water and beautiful floating petals or flowers, with tea light candles on the table (also notably absent) would do the trick. Ps: the feathers did a good job of obstructing our view.

7. DRESS CODE! ENFORCE IT!
At the risk of being seemingly mean, it is high time Kenyans started enforcing dress code and adhering to it. Sadly, it is our men who seem to have lost the plan. At least I know the ladies came looking fabulous, with the exception of some fashion faux pas that shall be discussed at some other time. I saw men in jeans, for crying out loud! Sigh…. It is very sad. If you actually want your event to be taken seriously, as a top tier event, then it is important that you enforce the dress code. Only then will you be able to set yourself apart from other events and event planners, by setting the correct impression. After all, image is everything in showbiz!

8. AN MC IS THE LIFE OR DEATH OF A PARTY
That was the most boring MC ever! I tried to listen to him, but the rambling went on and on, and without much food in the system, it was impossible for me to focus. I think my rumbling stomach, in a symphony of other rumbling stomachs may have drowned him out. Emceeing is one of the most important jobs for a successful event. The crowd gave him no air time. He might as well have been my Form 2 Biology teacher, who used to walk in, and I mentally check out. 

9. GOODIE BAGS… OR WERE THEY BADDIE BAGS?
As an invited guest, would probably have had to get one to actually have a discussion about the goody bags. If you had planned for it, how is it that invited guests (almost a whole table) could not find any to save their lives? This takes me back to the KES 10,000.00 cover. I would have been a very unhappy camper to have paid this amount, and leave even without a token of appreciation, especially if I had actually paid KES 1500.00 for a glass of wine. Don’t you think?

10. ATTITUDE… THE RIGHT ONE!
As an event planner and host, it is important to be accessible and WARM. Not cold, and aloof. You are in the business of people, and not events. It is people who attend your events. Taking time to courteously acknowledge guests is important. They are after all your bread and butter. And believe it or not, you need them, more than they need you. Some of them did in the end fork up the whooping KES 10,000.00 didn’t they?

Now it is important to note that when the event began, each table did receive one bottle of red wine. This was pretty okay. And lucky for us, not everyone on the table wanted a glass; otherwise we were all looking at roughly half a glass of wine each, at which point we would have to fork up the KES 1500.00 for an additional glass. As you can tell, I was unimpressed by the beverage price list.

The celebrities who attended the show were mostly warm and gracious, Rita Dominic above all. The band “The Villagers” was spectacular, and reduced the impact of the above mishaps. DJ Adrian on the Ones and Twos was also pretty cool, and Ole Sereni’s buffet wasn’t too bad either.

The overall moral of the story is that high expectations were set for this event, and sadly it ended up being another case of over promising and under delivering, which is the true bane of our existence within our society.


Looking glamorous in white - when at a glitzy event, go all out to impress


Can you spot the Kenyan?


That centre piece

Your thoughts?

How contrast in dressing can influence others

You know clothes are the first thing other people notice about us. It’s no coincidence that when the police are asking us to describe a suspect the first thing they ask is what they were wearing. Colour is key to what we wear and contrast is then the difference you see between any two colors. Now some of you reading this might think to themselves “is this really that important” but what if I told you that mastering this relatively simple technique of the right contrast in the colours you wear could greatly influence your next presentation, meeting, interview, press conference or sales pitch. Colour doesn’t only affect how others view us but the contrast in those colour combinations can also change impressions. Confused? Ok, here’s a quick and simple primer – there is high-contrast, medium-contrast and low-contrast clothing combinations.

High-contrast refers to the difference between the clothes where one article of clothing is considerably lighter and the other is very dark. High contrast dressing (also known as power dressing) is used to create the greatest influence and to come across as powerful and in-charge. Look at Obama’s uniform – dark navy blue suit, white shirt (with red or blue tie) - this says leader of the free world and forms a large percentage of our perception of him, especially when he is giving a speech. When he wears a blue tie he is actually looking for consensus or trust as opposed to the red tie which is a power play. Look at the different audiences he speaks to and notice the difference. So high contrast is good for politicians, CEO’s, if you’re leading a meeting or if you want to come across to your audience as authoritative.

Low-contrast combinations on the other hand are where there is a minor or no colour difference between clothes e.g. brown shirt and brown jacket. This monochromatic dressing is considered the least influential especially in business. Not only does it reduce your influence but can actually make you less noticeable – great if you want to hide during that Monday morning meeting, but not so great if you are on TV reading the news as ideally you should come across as authoritative and powerful.

A medium-contrast combination will be a light and medium or dark and medium change in colour and this combination comes across as most friendly and approachable yet without completely diminishing authority. An example of this is combination is a light grey suit with a white or blue shirt.

Bottom line, you can use this knowledge to gain the advantage in any situation, certainly to command attention and influence your market.


High-contrast - Navy blue suit, white shirt, burgundy red tie - most authoritative


Low-contrast - Monochromatic taupe outfit - least influential


Medium-contrast - Light grey suit - friendly and approachable

Is there a style manual for men out there?

Ok gentlemen, it’s officially a new decade and it’s time we pulled up our socks (literally) when it comes to dressing. My co-conspirator on the Fashion Show and editor of Drum Magazine, Carol Odero wrote an article on her weekly column chastising men in Kenya for their wardrobe choices and I have to say she was spot on. I don’t think most Kenyan men necessarily prioritize dressing. In fact just Google ‘best dressed men + Kenya’ and you will find a dearth of information or lists. Some of the common dress faux pas I regularly see include: wearing clothes that are too big, too short ties (top of the belt buckle please), tags on jacket sleeves, white socks with leather shoes, branded polo shirts, matching pocket handkerchief and tie combo’s, and watches so large they swallow your wrist. And a special dishonorable mention must go to that long nail on the finger – enough said!

You know being a man of a certain age and disposition, my nights out are few and far between, but last weekend, I put on my party shoes and revived the days of my misspent youth by doing a club crawl. Most of the girls were predictably wearing their uniform of skinny jeans, heels and tops. That’s a blog post for another day but I won’t be giving any demerits to the fairer sex for they may have been predictable for a night out on the town but they put in a little effort. As for my fellow gentlemen (and I use that word loosely sartorially speaking), to put it mildly I was disappointed. It was a sea of baggy t-shirts, sagging jeans, baseball caps, sneakers and even shorts and mandals (male sandals). And this was irrespective of age or venue. I may have been off the scene for sometime, but what happened to bouncers enforcing dress codes - and did I miss that memo that said anything goes?

Gentlemen, if you are no longer in school or college, start dressing like an adult when going out. I know it is particularly challenging during this warm weather to look stylish and dress comfortably at the same time but evenings can get a little chilly so try wearing a blazer or jacket for one. You can throw that over a pair of slim dark jeans and keep the sneakers but at least you’ll look a lot less than you’re starring in your own rap video. In my humble opinion men should never expose their toes in public unless there’s sand between them tootsies. Khakis and corduroys are a great alternative to jeans – just make sure they are cut on the slimmer side.

Guess what guys, a recent survey (admittedly done in America, but still relevant I believe to us here in Kenya) reported that 87% of women in relationships would be willing to sacrifice something (going out to dinner, cell phone, vacation days, etc.) to have a better-dressed partner. The same survey reported 85% of women "think a guy who dresses well is sexier than one who has a lot of money," 78% of women "believe dressing well is one of the hottest things a guy can do" and 64% believe that "women are more likely to marry a well-dressed man than one who isn't as well put together." See the full results of the survey here

Put down the croissant and get networking

I attended a networking breakfast earlier this week. While it should be fun, do remember that you are there representing both yourself and your company, and therefore are always ‘on show.’ At my table were two international visitors and a smattering of us natives made up the rest of the numbers. I don’t know whether people were still on holiday mode or brains were still woolly with the excesses imbibed over the past few weeks but conversation was awkward and stilted. It was literally heads down, everyone stuffing themselves with treats from the breakfast buffet.

“Keep hope alive” was Reverend Jesse Jackson’s rallying cry – how about “Keep the conversation alive!” How do you stave off the dreaded dead silence when no-one has anything to say? Well, show more than just a passing interest in your companions. Try to find similarities or joint interests by asking open ended questions. Networking is not all about you and your business but if your mindset is how you can help the other person, then this will build lasting relationships which eventually will lead to business.

When it comes to conversation, I am all for finding common points of interest but does every Brit visiting our country have to be asked to declare what football team they support? A brief mention that you are a football fan will let people know that you have a life other than work, but not a full scale inquisition into the current state of Liverpool FC. That and politics, enough already about the Hague – everyone is entitled to their opinion but don’t shove it down your neighbours throat. Doing a little bit of research before the event allows you to bring up topics that are interesting, not necessarily impassioned, but at least you can come across as someone with perceptible social skills. At the very least plan a few conversation starters to get the other person talking about themselves. Remember to talk to the person on your left as well as your right no matter how fetching the lady might look in comparison to your other companions. And try as much as possible to include others in conversation especially the naturally shy people so that they don’t feel left out.
I also do that thing where if I line up the business cards I receive on the table in front of me so that I can easily remember names and job titles. Also when it comes to conversation the way that you say something also makes people remember and take notice. The way you use your voice is meaningful if you want to make a positive and hopefully sophisticated impression.

A quick word on non – verbal communication. Research has found that we make major decisions about one another – assessing credibility, friendliness, trustworthiness, confidence, power, status, and competence – within the first few seconds of meeting. In a business setting, these first impressions are crucial. Once someone mentally labels you as “likeable” or “un-likeable,” “powerful” or “submissive,” everything else you do will be viewed through that filter. If someone likes you, they’ll look for the best in you. Be confident, hold your head high and let your natural charisma, charm and presence come through in your communication and you’ll be well on the way to becoming a master networker.

Positively 2011

Welcome to 2011, I enjoyed the peace and quiet of the holidays which gave me an opportunity to reflect on the year that passed and going forward what I hope for in 2011. I’m not one for bandying resolutions about but I thought a few words on positivity might be in order as much for me, as for anyone else. A positive image starts the minute you get up in the morning, and it is as likely a matter of attitude as anything else. The way you react to other people builds up an image. Try and think of the effect your actions and reactions will have on others. Show that you care, not only about yourself, but other people. We are all human beings living in society together and life is a compromise. We have to show respect for others, which in turn brings respect for ourselves. To get your new year off with the right frame of mind here is an inspirational video on positive thinking from a man who seems to have it all - Will Smith.
Enjoy