Manners maketh the person

I was chatting with a friend newly re-transplanted back to Kenya and in addition to dealing with the reverse culture shock after having been away for many years she also mused that Kenyans seem to her to have become a little harder round the edges and less cordial than the way she remembers things growing up here. I put this thought to another friend and she said if women seem to be less ladylike then it is because of the men here who have forgotten how to treat the fairer sex. It seems that old fashioned manners gone the way of the LP as a quaint but old fashioned notion. As my business partner puts it, good manners are priceless, ageless and classless everybody should have them and everybody should use them. Having good manners means behaving in a way that is socially acceptable, in business as well as domestic life. If we all followed the guidelines of good manners and mutual respect, we would treat each other more kindly, behave more honestly and enjoy both professional and social success.

The argument given is that some women take exception when men offer a seat or open a door for them as they see it as patronising. That is a shame, when it puts men off doing it for women who may like what is seen as an act of common courtesy. I think every woman regardless of how many degrees she holds wants to be treated with a bit of chivalry. Here’s a quick primer gents on how we can get our chivalry groove back. Let’s bring back a touch of elegance and class and even though some of this may seem awkward and antiquated at first there is nothing un-african or emasculating about any of the following.

• When in the company of a woman, the door should be held open to allow her to walk through before you. If it’s an extremely heavy door, put some muscle into it and push through before her and hold it until she passes. With revolving doors, give it a push to start it moving then gesture to allow the lady to enter first - alone. Never try to squeeze in with her

• Get into the habit of opening the car door first for any female passenger before jumping in and driving off. Remember to close it after she gets in

• Try pulling out a chair and sitting your female companion when out at a restaurant for dinner or lunch, trust me you’ll be looked at favourably by all the other female diners.

• Did you know that a man is supposed to walk behind a woman going up the stairs and in front of her on the way down – hey, it’s the little things that count

• By all means complement (sincerely that is) a woman on her appearance, dress sense, etc but don’t go overboard as you’ll come across as creepy and possibly wade into sexual harassment territory

• The true gentleman should never ever mistake a woman for a man or treat her like one.